Our boy Nelson started Middle School this year (which is 6th grade around these parts). Kristi and I were filled with trepidation as he made the transition from Elementary school, where he was in the same class pretty much all day, to what I remember as real school, where he has to get from one class to another all by himself. He was going to have separate books and folders for his classes, and the homework was going to increase by a ton. Of course he would also be swimming in the sea of hormones that is 6th and 7th grade, and this was already getting tricky, at least a little bit.
I suppose this is nerve wracking for any parent, but we had another reason to sweat the transition. To better explain what that reason is, I should talk about a very difficult time for him. He was in 4th grade, and just having a terrible time - he wasn't able to pay attention in class or at home; he had a hard time just not fidgeting...he literally could barely control his movements at times. Our kids attended a Montessori school at the time, and the one teacher they had for the 4th through 6th grade kids was a truly lousy teacher who had neither the skill nor the inclination to work with the boy and help him succeed. She, and some of the administrative staff, labeled him a sporty kid (not necessarily good in that environment) and a troublemaker, and he spent a ton of time in the equivalent of the Principals office. We had already made the decision that he (and his sister) would begin attending the public school in our neighborhood the following year, but somehow we had to get him through this one.
I'll bet by now any of you that don't already know this are guessing what happened next: we took him to his doctor and after a number of evaluations he was diagnosed with ADHD. It's funny now to think how so many people we knew were really concerned and saddened to hear this, and all we were thinking was that we were finally able to help our kid! By this point he was convinced that he was stupid and a bad kid. He hated that he couldn't do what he was supposed to, or what some people told him he was supposed to do, and he told us on many occasions.
There were a couple very stressful months where we tried different dosages of medication, and anyone who's been through that can appreciate how difficult that period is, until we finally found the right one for him. Then everything changed....by this time it was Summer, so there wasn't any school, but all of a sudden he could read! Well, he could already read technically, but he couldn't sit still and concentrate enough to actually comprehend anything other than a comic book. We were overjoyed, and he was beginning to feel OK about about himself again.
Here's another disclaimer: anyone who ever makes the mistake of telling me they don't believe kids should be given medication for ADHD will look back on that event as a truly unhappy moment in their life. If you can hear your 9 year old son tell you that he hates himself, and he wishes he was dead, and not do anything and everything in your power to fix that...well, you are an idiot and a shitty person.
Nelson had a great 5th grade year at the local Elementary School....his teacher completely got him and knew exactly what to do to help him succeed. It didn't hurt that she has a daughter who also has ADHD, but that wasn't the reason it went so well - she was well trained and the school provided a ton of support for her and for us, and most importantly for the boy. And then, after this great transition.....The Big One! Off to Middle School....
So, as I said at the beginning, we were very worried about how all this would go. He had made so much progress and we were worried that all the added stimuli would be too much for him, especially with the new prospect of girls! Yep, they were always there, but now it was different, although he's not planning on admitting that anytime soon.
Things got off to an OK start, for Middle School, and we interacted with the teachers and counselors quite a bit. Nelson worked very hard. Then in October it was report card time, and check this out:
Holy Crap! The boy worked his ass off for that, and we thought it was just awesome. And not just the GPA either....the fact that he feels great about it and now knows that he's smart and he can do it! He enjoys Math and Science and his teachers routinely compliment him on his enthusiasm and his desire to do well. He just brought home his 2nd quarter report card and, while he just barely missed the 3.5 mark, he was even more proud than the last one. And so are we.
I assure you that I would not be bragging on the boy's grades if it wasn't for what he had to go through to make them. The medication is only part of the story....so much of what he's doing now is because he has worked incredibly hard to do it. Also, we had a ton of help and support from so many friends - in everything from navigating the waters of getting the school support to just helping the boy take that first pill.
So I hope that if you were around during these times you can take some satisfaction from this story that you were part of a cool thing happening to a great kid. I also hope that if you or someone you know is going through something similar that you will share this story with them, and let them know that sometimes it really does work out OK. Because it can.
No comments:
Post a Comment